Another step completed

It only took SIX days to get the birth certificate in the mail.  There it is in black and white, Max Janssen MALE!  Happy day!

I keep thinking it's official then something else makes it official

A month or so ago, I got a retirement letter from Dr. Brownstein.  He was the Dr. that performed Max's surgery.  I thought I had better get on it, to request the "letter" needed for proof of surgery and paperwork changes.  I got the letter, and it's obvious he has done these a few hundred times.   The wording was "perfect", according to the vital records service center guy.  I don't know why I was nervous.  Just hate the feeling of having to explain myself.  So I'm waiting in line and there are two windows with service people at them.  The guy, mentioned before, and a woman with a WWJD lanyard on.  Of course, I'm thinking, please give me the guy.  I know I shouldn't judge but I'm getting a "gaydar" and I'm pretty sure this man was a member of the LGBTQ community.  But as my luck would have it, I got the WWJD lady.  She wasn't sure what I was saying at first, but turns out she was just new at the forms and asked the man.  He asked if we had a letter, and then proceeded to use the CORRECT pronouns and asked, "is he a minor".  All went very well from there, $30 later and 5-7 weeks and we will have one of the final paper pieces we need in this journey.  So now my only worry is insurance and it's, no male procedures covered for females and not female procedures for males, policy!  However, new insurance starts in January!! Let's hope for the best. 

Shhh, I'm only telling this for one reason

Ok...forget your hearing this first part.  I'm going back to school!!  I'm telling few people, ok, I guess today I'm telling whoever bothers to ready my blogs.  BUT, it really only matters because of the paperwork.  So I'm filling out the application for ASU, and the FAFSA, and related paperwork, and WTF!  I know now why trans people have such an anxiety.  My gender seems to define me!  It is asked on everything and on alot of the paperwork it's RIGHT ON TOP!  As if my name doesn't define me my gender does.  ALL of this paperwork would not let you skip this answer.  So I had a talk with Max and Jim and we all decided changing the birth certificate to male now for school reasons would outweigh the issues we will have for insurance.  So, off to get the letter from the surgeon, luckily the only thing needed to change the birth certificate here in AZ. 

Why so mean?

As I sit here while my son is out socializing.  Wow, that puts a smile on my face.  Socializing, my son, with friends outside his bubble of school friends.  He also attended a pool party recently, those are words I thought I'd never utter again.  Makes the top surgery decision so completely validating for me.  This is exactly what I wanted.  I wanted to see him continue to be a kid, without the issues.

I still as a mom find myself worrying.   I read a post today, a young trans boy made and wore a shirt to school for transgender day of remembrance.  He was ridiculed so harshly that he changed his shirt before making it to his first class.  Why?  Why?  Our kids are not freaks, they are just kids that want what every other kid wants.  Why are people so mean?

Last filming

ABC was here for the last time today.  They started filming just over a year ago, marking the beginning of our journey.  Wow it seems like we have come so far, in such a short time.  I hope it is good, should air very soon. 

ABC

Thursday of this week will be the final filming for ABC Nightline.  They are hoping to get some shots of him enjoying his school, swimming (something he hasn't felt comfortable until now), driving, and updating his year.  Wow, its been an amazing, scary at times journey so far.

And now he's a working man!

With the Halloween holiday just around the corner, Max took it upon himself to apply for a job at a  local haunted house.  Auditions were held for a specific part he wanted, so he's super excited about it.  I wish it wasn't so far away, new driver on the road and all, he's making me nervous!

Just a kid

Sometimes I have to remember that Max is just a kid!  Not a "transkid", not always an activist, not always the greatest at everything.  He's just a kid, with faults like any other human.  I accept that and love that about him. 

Good people

So I get a call today from someone that admits to reading this blog and am reminded that through this "journey" WE ( I mean my whole family) have met just plain GOOD people!  I admit I was not much of a people person....what?  who you?  a NURSE of all things.  Yep me.  I never understood on those shows where they have people finding houses, why "entertaining" was so high up on everyone's list.  It's because I have NEVER in my life met so many GOOD people that I would want to be around them.  That's what the LGBTQ community has given me.

On that note:  we have found a Doctor!!! 

How did it finally come about?!  I finally after a week's worth of searching put a plea out to my friends.  ALL of them...or at least the ones that are considered a "friend" via FB.  I've known them in some way or another through my life at any rate.  The responses were great and there were even people that went out of their way to MAKE this happen for us.   I finally got a response from a place I thought was not even an option.  That being my own hospital.  Yep, a year ago I was basically...ok, no so many words...but heard, we aren't taking your kind.  It might have been said better, like, we don't get it or we can't, etc.  But I heard, we aren't taking your kind.  This time around, through interoffice email.  I got a response from ONE of the several Docs I contacted.  He said he would find someone, and he did.  He's a new to PCH Doctor, and given his young appearance, probably a NEW Doctor in general.  BUT willing to help!!  This I liked.

After meeting with him, we feel confident we will work well together.  He's also willing to see ANY and all trans patients that would like to see him.  He's willing to consult with experts in the field.   He studied a bit before our visit.  He listened to me.  He saw us for as long as we needed to.  And Max felt good about it too.

So I'm hoping we are done with this for awhile.  I feel so relieved!

OH Doctor!!

Well who'd of thunk it?!  You are sick you go to a Doctor, you want a little eye work done you go to a Doctor.  You need a replacement for your son, you call the Doctor.  Wait a minute!  It's not THAT easy.  For a week straight, I called, and was refused.  Yes refused.  How can they do that??!! You ask.  Well they can claim ignorance for one.  "Sorry, I don't have experience with that". and they can claim it as a "mental disorder" and the suggestion that I might see Psych instead.  Or they can just plain not get back to you.  I literally, started losing sleep over this.  My old Dr. Mary has moved out of town.  And more surprisingly, I was left with the assurance that I could still see her.  Her license in this state in tack, she could write our lab orders and continue our scripts.  Ok, seems easy.  I even got her email and phone number the last visit.  The phone has since been shut off and the emails are going unanswered.  How could this be happening?  With my son due for labwork in just two short weeks, I started the search.  See above...this is the result.  But after a much needed break for the weekend (with a day off work at the last minute...Hurray), and our very first group meeting, I felt inspired.

I got a great message from a Dr willing to help the fight to find someone.  We sent emails all morning.  Both of us agreeing to set our sights on the hospital I work for Phoenix Childrens.  It's the fourth largest in the country and should help right?  Well I tried a year ago and got NO response.  At least this year I got two. 

I also had a mom at group that saw someone she felt pretty good about.

I got a call in the morning from my daughter's friend who works at a Children's Medical group, and there was a Doctor there who talked with Docs over the weekend and found a couple options for us.

Then I got this email...I won't post the whole thing for privacy but those words, "I'm willing to work with your son".  First of all, "son" so he does get it!  second of all, "willing to work with..." is all I needed to hear.  I also, got CC'd in on the email he wrote to his scheduling coordinator (yes used to be called secretaries, oh how far we have come).  In that he said we "NEED" to get Max in this month even if it meant overbooking and him having to stay late! 

What a relief! 

Now let's hope we can get this ball rolling, and make PCH start their own gender clinic someday! :)  Oh and maybe a day job for me in it :)

Let the Groups begin

So Julian (a huge mentor to Max, and wonderful friend to me) and I have been working on getting a group together for the kids and parents.  It's open to all Gender non conforming kids, trans or otherwise, and their parents.  Our first meeting was Sunday and we had four kids and the parents.  I think it went REALLY well and hope we just keep growing from there! :)

A year

It's amazing that when you look at things from behind, they seem so far away.  I'm sure for Max, starting Testosterone seemed so very far away.  In fact he had a countdown chain of 101 days.  He knew even before that, that he would be getting it, so the waiting seemed endless.  WOW! What a year it's been.  So many changes in my boy.  Deep voice, those changes were quick, and have slowed (or at least I don't see a difference anymore).  His Adam's apple came, a dream he really wanted but wasn't sure would happen.  He's gone to a wonderful accepting school.  He has become a voice for the youth of the LGBTQ community.  He had his surgery, and is standing tall and proud.  Now, I think on this day, the day his shot is due before his actual "anniversary" (on Saturday):   It's been an amazing journey so far on the road to manhood. 

Surgery cost

I guess I should have done this sooner, for anyone reading that may be behind us on this journey. The unfortunate news is that while we were in San Francisco we found out that Dr. Brownstein will be retiring soon. Surgeon fee $5500, with $500 due to book the appointment. Surgery center fee $2350 Pathology fee $200 (returned, no cancer) Anesthesia fee $900 Plus 8 days in San Francisco, (we were fortunate to not have this added expense). Flights, rental car, food, pain meds. Bad news, insurance didn't cover. Good new the government does allow to take the expenses from our taxes next year.

All a distant memory

Went shopping today with Max to get him a few tighter tshirts and a tank top. As we were checking out he commented about the novelty of his surgery has warn off. It's kind of amazing when we sit in support groups sometimes and some of the older guys will say, "oh I dont really remember when it was", or they might just remember the year. I thought how can that be, this so very important date. Now I see Max will be like that as well. He might remember the year but he too someday will have so many more important things happening in his life. Summer school starts soon. Max will be taking an semester of English over four weeks online. We will be starting a support group for gender variant and trans kids and their parents soon. Think the end of July. I hope if we build it they will come. I wish we had a stronger resource list of drs and schools, etc. Maybe someday. We have been asked to speak again, this time to help teach so that trans kids going into the foster system are treated with respect. I hope we help someone :)

Sweet 16

Is that what it's called for boys? We had to celebrate a day early due to my work schedule. Max, Jim and I went to the Salt Cellar for dinner. Max was surprised that despite getting a 10k surgery we were able to get him tickets to see a band he likes. Hopefully, he can find a friend to go with him. We returned from dinner to have vegan cake (at Max's request).

Catching up after arriving home

Max and I flew back Friday the 8th.  Uneventful.  TSA was easy.  They had everyone go through the scanner.  I just pointed out that Max could not scan due to not being able to raise his arms.  They just kind of said, "OK" and waved him through the metal detector.  No pat down.

Those of my era...and I guess some that were but didn't listen to good music, would think it was pretty cool that Rick Derringer was eating his lunch in the same bar as us.

Flight was good, as it usually is in first class!  At least Max didn't have anyone bumping him and could just relax.  We had downloaded a book he wanted to finish, which I believe he managed to do by the ride home.

He is healing well, standing up more straight every day.  Healing is going very very well. He still can't wait to get into a Tshirt.

Last night was the Phoenix Pride Gala, where we saw lots of our already friends.  As well as meeting some we knew of but hadn't met yet.  We thank CJ (works with Jim) and his family for joining in celebrating Max's award.  Max got one of the two standing ovations and had several people we didn't know come up to congratulate him.  Of course, Max's second Mom was there at our table as well to cheer him on.  Great night and what a way to end this little adventure.

Almost home

Even though this wasn't a trip for pleasure, it was pleasurable. Max got to take a shower today. He soon discovered that after having surgery your energy is depleted and he should eat something when he first gets up. He felt a little dizzy but did get the shower in. We took a drive to the bridge, can't be in San Francisco and not see the bridge. A fine dinner out with our hosts. We really are grateful that they have opened their home to us as well as showing max and I support. We have great family. Heading home tomorrow, but not before heading back to see some vintage shops my son noticed while out on one of our other adventures. I will try to soak up as much cold as possible to bring back to Arizona.

Healing well

Today we got a call from the doctors office to ask if we would come in a day early off suture removal. This did not push up the day for him to be allowed to shower, however. We went in, he got them out, more explanations about what he can and can't do. What he can do is open the binder to adjust it if needed and tomorrow he can take a shower, with further instructions about how to do that safely. He says he hasn't felt the need for any pain pills, including the Tylenol. And the itching is to a minimum so no Benadryl either. He does have quite a bit of yellow color bruising, which should heal soon. No real other plans today, as this was unexpected. We had a lovely salad for lunch, a creative dinner with leftovers, and watched another movie. Sunny and cold!

Sorry, not sharing pictures for today.  Max will show later after healing has gotten well underway.  

Waiting is over

This morning was really hard. Waiting for the reveal at noon. Max and I sat around as long as we could then killed an hour just driving around. We figured maybe if we were just 15 minutes early we could get in. We did, so we were actually out of that office at 11:55. We got there and it was quick, and not quite painless. Max said the pulling out of the drains was painful. But they are gone. The drains and the boobs. His chest is very flat, and healing. The scars are under tape so hard to visualize. The nipples look fine, but yes healing to be done. But max is elated and I'm so happy I was with him for this very special moment. After our appointment today we ventured back down to Castro district for lunch at a cute cafe. Afterward we were treated to a guided tour from our hosts to the conservatory and another museum at the golden gate park. Max was tired after that so came home to take a nap. Another wonderful meal followed by a movie. Another night complete. Very sunny this morning, no fog even this AM but windy and cold still. High 59....brrr.

One step closer

Woke up today to rain. Lots of it. We decided we still needed to get out and walk though so we went to the nearest mall. Max found a few shirts that he liked but we have to wait to see how they will fit. This takes me into tomorrow. The wait to at least see the work done ends tomorrow at noon. Another fine meal and great conversation from our hosts. I could get used to this. And still forever grateful. Cloudy, rainy, high temp, 56. Brrrr. I almost bought a jacket but kept reminding myself that I'm just going to have to put it in a closet at home to bring it out for a couple days a year. Max is itching more now and taking over the counter Tylenol vs Vicodin and increasing the benedryl. Thanks to the guys before him letting him know this would happen. Not only so we knew what to look for as normal but also so we could prepare.

Host house :)

Sunday

More of the same. Max is saying its hurting less, itching more. He is avoiding Benadryl because it makes him sleepy so I've instructed him to at least take it before bed. We went to Japan town today. It happened to have the one movie theater in town that is showing the movie he wanted to see. He saw the trailer to this movie before the movie Bully. It was a cute coming of age type thing. It was sunny today....but not much warmer. I'm pretty sure I would find myself depressed from the lack of sun. Funny how you take for granted what you have sometimes.

Max had to have this drink he thought it was funny.

Saturday

Now it just seems like a waiting game until we can actually see the results. Tuesday seems so far away. Max is having a hard time breathing because the binder is so restrictive. It's also starting to itch today. Vicodin and benedryl makes for a sleepy boy. We were planning to go on the famous 49 mile scenic driving tour, however, we managed to get lost probably about 6 miles into it. So we just drove. Once we saw the rainbow flags we stopped. Then I saw it, Castro street. Castro street has literally got to be the Disneyland for gays. I will have to add pictures later as I still haven't figured out how to get them to this forum with my iPad. I only have a couple anyway. Better get with taking more. We got out and walked a few blocks on each side of the road, and stopped at the deli for lunch. Pill time with lunch so afterward we came home so he could nap. After nap we spent some time together watching a show he enjoys on Hulu. We emptied the drains only this morning and then again this evening. Fluid is getting clear and minimal. He's still required to take babywipe showers, boy won't a shower on Tuesday feel great?! We ate leftovers for dinner, Did our phone calls to loved ones and the end of another day. P.s. weather update for those interested. Very foggy in the hills today, feels like your in some kind of strange movie with the fog rolling along side of you. Temp was about 58 here where we are staying. A little warmer than that down on Castro.

24 hours later

Today he woke fairly early and we had a wonderful oatmeal breakfast. Our choice to stay with my Aunt Beth and Jim has been a great one. They are wonderful hosts, great cooks, and equally great conversation. We are again so grateful. After breakfast Max and I decided to try and go for a walk. We went to the Golden Gate Park, found a nice little lake to walk around. Max did great making it all the way. He came home and took a good nap too. More napping today now that he is out of that honeymoon phase, and staying on top of the pain management with pills every three hours. He's napping a lot today it seems in great spirits when he's awake. Appetite is amazing, he hasn't at all had an issue with that. ABC came and filmed a few more things. We finished the night making a few phone calls to loved ones and a movie with our hosts. I should add for all my Arizona followers that are currently burning up in 110 degree..or hotter heat. High today 61. Brrrrr!

Baby ducks at the park

Done and done

This morning started bright and early at 5am. We entrusted our rented GPS to get us to the surgery center. And even though it sure made me nervous, taking me down residential side streets, it did manage to do its job. My uncle had given me a map prior with his suggested route and this GPS seemed to not even be close. Nor was it close to the map and directions given to me by the surgery center. But none the less, we made it and made it on time. Registration was complete weeks ago, so just the financial matter then off we went to the pre op area. Max was given a gown, a heated gown. Hooked up to this fancy machine that kept it heated. This being great for us arizonians who just came from highs of 110 to a cool 60. Ok, it actually was 52 this morning. IV started without issue, except not sure why they chose to give him a shot of lidocaine first? Seems silly to poke twice?! Dr. Brownstein came to talk to us and make his marks this morning. Anesthesia doc came to ease Max's mind that he will indeed be asleep, very asleep during the surgery and will not be one of those patients that wakes up in the middle. Surgery time, 2hrs, 20 minutes. They had me wait until he woke up a bit before coming in, about another 10 minutes. After getting some pain meds and about 30 minutes they transferred us to a private room. He napped, he ate, and peed (those of us that have had surgery or are nurses know this is important info). We have updated many by txt, or email. Facebook status has been updated, and currently my son is resting. He has a binder that he has to wear for five days before we can see the actual results. So this is what is going to take forever! Update then ......

San Francisco or bust

I got a call from us airways last night to inform me that our flight would be delayed by a half hour. Not convenient but still gives us plenty of time to get to our scheduled, 2pm pre op appointment. That was before call number two, to say it was delayed another hour. The airport was a different story with it being yet another half hour. So we were late. Dr. Brownstein was very gracious to wait for us.
Oh and don't get me started on the rental car nightmare. Rented a car from a company I've never used before. Fox, but pretty cheap and right there in line with all the big boys at the airport. They also had the longest line. Oh no, as if we weren't aleardy running late. I lasted about 10 minutes after watching at least three other frustrated people leave and get cars elsewhere. So I too just went someplace else. After completing my transaction with the new place. I looked over and they were still helping the same two people from when I started standing in their line. At the time, I didn't even care if I paid three times as much. So note to self and all, stay away from fox rental car (and fox news.....should have known lol)

Dr. Brownsteins office

TSA was uneventful, no scanner or pat downs, just the regular old metal detector. Except the guy said, "hey dude". When telling him he forgot to empty his pockets and take off his belt. It's always great to get called dude.
Appointment went well, we are well informed and ready to do this.
We arrived at our hosts house, my aunt and uncle who have graciously opened their home to us for our stay. And pleasantly, we were greeted with an amazing meal.
I will have to add photos as I can later, since I'm doing all this updating from my Ipad and I'm not quite used to it.
Off to bed early to be at the hospital at 5:30.

Love our support team :)

All the buzz & schools out

Schools out, Max has finished 10th grade.  Now we can put all our focus into surgery only 5 days away, I don't think we in this household have let a day go by without talking about it.  It's all happy talk!  Very excited to get this part past us and it be yet another distant memory.  I'm so happy that there is a support meeting today and that many of those we haven't seen in months will be there!  Just in time, will be like a mini send off.  We are so lucky to have all these supporters in our life.  Let the negative idiots be warned my son WILL live among you. 
ABC is coming to film in San Fran.  Sorry folks won't be any surgery day or revealing day photos.  I KNOW the story is fine without it.  I think they will wrap up filming with doing something at Max's school when it is in session again in the fall, and then who knows IF and when it will show for real.  Not holding my breath or making announcements this time! 
Thanks to one of his friends for posting pictures of them at school.  See the smiles coming from my boy!  I LOVE IT :)