Friday, December 16, 2011
Adam's Apple
Out of all the Male Characteristics, Max has been especially hoping for an adam's apple. Well it's happening. With the VERY deep voice he is getting, long hairy yeti leg hair, and pimples. It has happened, the adam's apple is noticeable. Still not as big as he hopes but I'm sure it's just a matter of time. He's been on T for almost 5 months.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Break a leg
So since Max started school late he didn't get a part in the play the acting class was already practicing for. Max helped where possible and had a part where everyone speaks. Just this past week, he found out that the lead in the play could not perform as he couldn't come to the dress rehearsals. Max stayed up all weekend and studied. He asked his teacher on Monday of he could audition...and he got it!! The LEAD in the play just days before showtime. It was so exciting to watch him, he did so well. WOW what confidence my child has gathered with his new round acceptance of himself. Who knew what being authentic could do.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Chaz & LA
Max and I are in California. We are here to attend the support group that Chaz is a part of. We really would like to get a chapter started in Phoenix. It went well. I learned what I would like and NOT like to do for the parent group. Max LOVED the teen group and was ecstatic that Chaz not only remembered him but commented on his lowered voice!! We had alittle fun eating roomservice, hanging out on Hollywood Blvd looking at the stars, and just plain talking on the drive to and from. We did hit some CRAZY weather with horrible rain and even slush, so we made an unscheduled stop to spend the night in Blythe.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
NEW updates
Yesterday Max and I went to the MVD to get his State ID. There wasn't a question. We probably could have even gone in with the birth certificate, but we went in with the Passport to be safe. Stated on the ID: Sex: M
Update #2, Max is going back to school. New School for the Arts and Academics. It's a performing arts school in Tempe. We are hoping it's small enough and also a great fit for him.
Update #3, top surgery is scheduled! May 31st. Not sure how I'm going to come up with all the money, but not worrying about that right now.
Update #2, Max is going back to school. New School for the Arts and Academics. It's a performing arts school in Tempe. We are hoping it's small enough and also a great fit for him.
Update #3, top surgery is scheduled! May 31st. Not sure how I'm going to come up with all the money, but not worrying about that right now.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Update
So two updates. One, Max is returning to school. We are told by the administration he is NOT the only trans kid there. He will be joined as well by a young man that is in his support group. He starts in a couple weeks.
The other news is that Nathan will still be featured in ABC's special. Just not at this time. They feel they left his story untold and want to continue to film him. GLAAD http://www.glaad.org/ as well as approached him for doing something for them. Featuring trans boys/men that have been influenced by Chaz is a positive way.
So in regular life. Today is T day. Shot #6, with a follow up with Dr. Mary next week. He's thrilled so far with the fact that his voice is deeper, seemingly every day. He's still hopeful for some facial hair, and asks daily if we see it yet. The hair on his arms is getting darker. Otherwise, not much more to report.
The other news is that Nathan will still be featured in ABC's special. Just not at this time. They feel they left his story untold and want to continue to film him. GLAAD http://www.glaad.org/ as well as approached him for doing something for them. Featuring trans boys/men that have been influenced by Chaz is a positive way.
So in regular life. Today is T day. Shot #6, with a follow up with Dr. Mary next week. He's thrilled so far with the fact that his voice is deeper, seemingly every day. He's still hopeful for some facial hair, and asks daily if we see it yet. The hair on his arms is getting darker. Otherwise, not much more to report.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
SCHOOL
Max, Jim and I went to a PFLAG meeting which we do regularly. Parents and Family of Lesbian and Gay's. It's a monthly support group with probably 40 attendees. During this we met a very articulate girl who was asked if she had trouble at school with bullying. She replied NOT at my school. There are so many like me. She attends a Performing Arts school. Ding, Ding, Ding....bell goes off in my head. If Max only wants to return to High School to go to Drama anyway, why not a Performing Arts school. Last week we went to tour one, and we are going to hand in an application this week. He loved it and they said they have room in 10th grade for him. So more to come on that.
Very disappointed
So those of you that might have watched the documentary special, might have seen that "Nathan" was not a part of it. True to the "news" and how they work they turned what could have been a good educational story into just another way for the opposition to put in their two cents. They called the show "My kid is transgender", they featured ONE child, and one 19 yr old adult girl. No FtM's. They also featured a NOT transgender, sexually confused 50 something year old man that had a sex change from man to woman and back again, saying how he regretted it. This just feeds the fuel of the opposition to say "see"!! So the positive impact that Max could have given was not at all presented. We were promised then that it would be shown in it's entirety a week later, now it's two weeks later and the Producer won't even email me back. So it's probably never going to be shown. His hope to help those that might be feeling as he do and give them hope is gone :(
Monday, August 29, 2011
Documentary
Just two more days. The documentary that Max aka "Nathan" filmed will be on. I'm nervous about how it will be put together!
Article about the show
“PRIMETIME NIGHTLINE” GOES INSIDE THE WORLD OF TRANSGENDER KIDS
AND TEENS IN “MY (EXTRA) ORDINARY FAMILY: MY KID IS TRANSGENDER”
On WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 31 (10:00-11:00 p.m., ET), “Primetime Nightline” goes on a remarkable journey inside three families struggling to do right by their transgender kids – one, a biological boy who, at age 10, is now going to school as a girl and who will soon be given medicine to keep from going through male puberty; a15-year-old biological girl who is taking testosterone to make her more masculine; and a 19-year-old biological male who goes to Mexico to have six surgeries in two hours to make him more feminine. Cynthia McFadden looks at the challenges these individuals face, the decisions they and their parents make and the risks they have to take in order to become the people they feel they were born to be. The program looks at the social, medical and surgical changes and their emotional toll, includes discussions with leading experts, and finds a grim reality — transgender kids often are rejected by their families. One estimate has over 33% of them attempting suicide.
Jackie, a 10-year-old from Ohio, was originally born as Jack. As a toddler, Jack was drawn to his sister’s dolls and clothes and enjoyed dressing up in tutus. Turning 10, with tears in his eyes he told his parents, “I’m a girl on the inside.” Within months, with his parents’ help, Jack became Jackie. She now attends school as a girl, wearing girl’s clothing, heels and makeup. “Primetime Nightline” is there as Jackie navigates her transition and meets relatives for the first time as a girl. Soon she will begin taking puberty blockers, a controversial treatment which will prevent her from going through male puberty.
Nathan is a 15-year-old living in Arizona and was originally born Natalie. Always feeling out of place as a girl, he came home from his first day of pre-school to tell his mother, “I’m a boy.” He started dressing in gender neutral clothing in pre-school. As Natalie grew up, her parents became convinced this wasn’t a phase, and are now helping in the transition. The program follows Natalie as she changes her name to Nathan in court and prepares to start testosterone treatment, which will give her the physical attributes of a boy. Harassed into home schooling, Nathan has no friends his own age. Cynthia McFadden introduces him to his transgender idol, Chaz Bono, who offers him and his family a few words of advice and hope.
Vanessa is 19-years-old living and working in New York City. Vanessa was born as Pierry. At first, her immigrant family had a difficult time accepting their son as their daughter, but now that she has decided on surgery, they have come to support her. But neither the family nor Vanessa can afford the transition, so she has turned to prostitution to pay for the body she feels she should’ve been born with. “Primetime Nightline” goes along with her to Guadalajara, Mexico, where $6500 cash will buy her six surgeries in two hours, as she struggles to become the woman she’s always wanted to be.
“Primetime Nightline” also profiles Kim Petras, a burgeoning pop sensation who became the world’s youngest person to have a complete sex change operation at the age of 16, and interviews Charles Kane, perhaps the only person in the world to have sexual reassignment surgery twice…going from man to woman and back again. Kane regrets his decision to have sexual reassignment surgery, and believes children should not be given these therapies.
ABC News’ “Nightline” is anchored by Cynthia McFadden, Terry Moran and Bill Weir. John Donvan and Juju Chang are correspondents. Jeanmarie Condon is the executive producer.
Article about the show
“PRIMETIME NIGHTLINE” GOES INSIDE THE WORLD OF TRANSGENDER KIDS
AND TEENS IN “MY (EXTRA) ORDINARY FAMILY: MY KID IS TRANSGENDER”
On WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 31 (10:00-11:00 p.m., ET), “Primetime Nightline” goes on a remarkable journey inside three families struggling to do right by their transgender kids – one, a biological boy who, at age 10, is now going to school as a girl and who will soon be given medicine to keep from going through male puberty; a15-year-old biological girl who is taking testosterone to make her more masculine; and a 19-year-old biological male who goes to Mexico to have six surgeries in two hours to make him more feminine. Cynthia McFadden looks at the challenges these individuals face, the decisions they and their parents make and the risks they have to take in order to become the people they feel they were born to be. The program looks at the social, medical and surgical changes and their emotional toll, includes discussions with leading experts, and finds a grim reality — transgender kids often are rejected by their families. One estimate has over 33% of them attempting suicide.
Jackie, a 10-year-old from Ohio, was originally born as Jack. As a toddler, Jack was drawn to his sister’s dolls and clothes and enjoyed dressing up in tutus. Turning 10, with tears in his eyes he told his parents, “I’m a girl on the inside.” Within months, with his parents’ help, Jack became Jackie. She now attends school as a girl, wearing girl’s clothing, heels and makeup. “Primetime Nightline” is there as Jackie navigates her transition and meets relatives for the first time as a girl. Soon she will begin taking puberty blockers, a controversial treatment which will prevent her from going through male puberty.
Nathan is a 15-year-old living in Arizona and was originally born Natalie. Always feeling out of place as a girl, he came home from his first day of pre-school to tell his mother, “I’m a boy.” He started dressing in gender neutral clothing in pre-school. As Natalie grew up, her parents became convinced this wasn’t a phase, and are now helping in the transition. The program follows Natalie as she changes her name to Nathan in court and prepares to start testosterone treatment, which will give her the physical attributes of a boy. Harassed into home schooling, Nathan has no friends his own age. Cynthia McFadden introduces him to his transgender idol, Chaz Bono, who offers him and his family a few words of advice and hope.
Vanessa is 19-years-old living and working in New York City. Vanessa was born as Pierry. At first, her immigrant family had a difficult time accepting their son as their daughter, but now that she has decided on surgery, they have come to support her. But neither the family nor Vanessa can afford the transition, so she has turned to prostitution to pay for the body she feels she should’ve been born with. “Primetime Nightline” goes along with her to Guadalajara, Mexico, where $6500 cash will buy her six surgeries in two hours, as she struggles to become the woman she’s always wanted to be.
“Primetime Nightline” also profiles Kim Petras, a burgeoning pop sensation who became the world’s youngest person to have a complete sex change operation at the age of 16, and interviews Charles Kane, perhaps the only person in the world to have sexual reassignment surgery twice…going from man to woman and back again. Kane regrets his decision to have sexual reassignment surgery, and believes children should not be given these therapies.
ABC News’ “Nightline” is anchored by Cynthia McFadden, Terry Moran and Bill Weir. John Donvan and Juju Chang are correspondents. Jeanmarie Condon is the executive producer.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Lucky
I was thinking in awe yesterday when I got a message from Max's therapist. He is so very lucky to have gotten such luck with a SOOO supportive team. His therapist is on board with giving his letter for surgery and also willing to help us if we start a Transforming families chapter. I can't say enough about the HUGE support his Endo Dr has given us. With this support and guidance our appointment is made for the consultation for top surgery! I won't leave out the HUGE support he has from his mentors and friends we have met on this journey. Now if we can just get this same support from school, then maybe he can just be a happy kid!!
Currently, I'm fighting with an ONLINE school about changing his letter from F to M! Really, what does it matter who is sitting at the other side of the computer. I'm getting the "we will get back to you" again, like I did when we signed him up. I even explained that it is beyond just a letter to us. Our biggest safety issue with it revolves around going to testing. Max has to go to a live testing site with the other kids to take state tests. They have to prove who they are for this, to avoid people taking tests for them. I get this. However, we show ID and my son looks like a boy. The paperwork says "female". Then I have to explain the reason for this in front of other parents and kids he doesn't know, this out's him to everyone. Not only creating a safety issue for him, but also anxiety in him, making test taking difficult. They didn't seem to care about that, just that his letter match his "documentation" (birth cert). I explained that in a few weeks I will be able to have documentation (passport and state ID) that states M. This is when I got the "we will get back to you". UGH
Speaking of....Friday is the day, Jim and I (both have to be present) are going to the passport office, armed with our "letter" from the Dr, and ordering Max's passport.
Currently, I'm fighting with an ONLINE school about changing his letter from F to M! Really, what does it matter who is sitting at the other side of the computer. I'm getting the "we will get back to you" again, like I did when we signed him up. I even explained that it is beyond just a letter to us. Our biggest safety issue with it revolves around going to testing. Max has to go to a live testing site with the other kids to take state tests. They have to prove who they are for this, to avoid people taking tests for them. I get this. However, we show ID and my son looks like a boy. The paperwork says "female". Then I have to explain the reason for this in front of other parents and kids he doesn't know, this out's him to everyone. Not only creating a safety issue for him, but also anxiety in him, making test taking difficult. They didn't seem to care about that, just that his letter match his "documentation" (birth cert). I explained that in a few weeks I will be able to have documentation (passport and state ID) that states M. This is when I got the "we will get back to you". UGH
Speaking of....Friday is the day, Jim and I (both have to be present) are going to the passport office, armed with our "letter" from the Dr, and ordering Max's passport.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
TSA_Seattle
First time Max had to do the scanner at the airport. All went well. Of course anxiety was high for being picked out for a pat down, but all went well. Coming out from Phoenix, even though they were scanning everyone, they let him go through without getting scanned or patted down. Still think there needs to be training for the agents on how to handle people that might not be the gender in which they appear. Yelling out "male" or "female" agent for the world to hear isn't cool.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Seattle Conference
We are here at Gender Odyssey a conference in Seattle. Best part of course is escaping that 110 degrees of Arizona for the cool 70's here in Seattle. Otherwise, it's wonderful to be with our new "friends". As well to be in an area that is SOOOOO excepting of us and our son. Max is a hit with many adults. Mainly for being so brave to share his story on TV. The teens he's meeting, he said are just like anywhere else, some you like some you don't. He's enjoying just being a kid and NOT really talking with the kids about trans things. Just being one of the guys and being excepted as one of the guys is what's perfect. I really think Max is so much happier every little bit closer to being JUST MAX. Chaz has been part of this weekend as well, so Max has had a couple of opportunities to meet up with him again! He still wants to DANCE with Ellen...then I think he will feel his life is complete LOL.
I think as well the filming is complete....for the ABC special, which at last count had been moved up to Aug 24th! Oh boy ...here we go! Will post any changes on that.
I think as well the filming is complete....for the ABC special, which at last count had been moved up to Aug 24th! Oh boy ...here we go! Will post any changes on that.
Monday, August 1, 2011
$75.99
So as expected the Testosterone is not paid for by insurance. However, the $75.99 is for 2000mg. Max is currently getting 50mg, so it should last over a year! So not so bad.
Seattle bound!
On Thursday we leave with 6 of our new friends to Gender Odyssey. We are looking forward to escaping the heat of Arizona, to the nice cool weather of Seattle, WA
Max will have an opportunity to meet with MANY other trans teens as well as meet Chaz again!
Gender Odyssey
Max will have an opportunity to meet with MANY other trans teens as well as meet Chaz again!
Gender Odyssey
Pharmacy
When things go really easy with this whole transitioning thing, it seems like such a milestone. Today I went to the Pharmacy. The same one that I've gotten meds for Max before, but before the name change. This is the first thing I've needed with the new name. So I come in armed with our name change paperwork and expect some resistance. So I tell them we have had a name change, show him the prescription with the new name, he looks it up and voila, it's done. BUT as a bonus!! He said, "oh it says female in here", and changed that too! Not sure what kind of issue this may cause in the future but for now it seemed like a victory! My response to him was a simple, "I know, thus the need for a name change". Which is true, but just in a completely different way then he was thinking I'm sure. NOW let's all hope and pray it's this simple when signing him up for school next year. ;)
Thursday, July 21, 2011
T Day
Max officially started T today! He was very excited. I don't think he was very nervous at all. His Dr...true to her AWESOMENESS, got us both a gift. A TShirt for him and a pin for me! She is just the greatest!
Picture (with Max's permission), is BRO NRG! His "brothers" will get this one, it's his message to them. Bro Energy is something the guys in the support group say to each other when referring to these types of things! Max being in the spirit had it written on his butt before the shot! :)
Picture (with Max's permission), is BRO NRG! His "brothers" will get this one, it's his message to them. Bro Energy is something the guys in the support group say to each other when referring to these types of things! Max being in the spirit had it written on his butt before the shot! :)
Friday, July 15, 2011
Complete surprise
We returned from vacation. Max didn't have any problems via security either direction, so another Whew! on that one. We fly to Seattle soon, but he gets to fly as Max so not anticipating any issues. Still worry about scanners. I believe there will be three other transguys flying with us, so I'm hoping we ALL get through without issue.
Yesterday was our "formal" interview with Cynthia McFadden (new anchor for ABC Nightline). Alot of lights and camera's all over the house. The camera guys were great though, they put everything back in it's place, would have never known there were here. Interviews went well I think. I always worry about editing and how I look and sound, but thinking I didn't say anything stupid or anything that would embarrass my son.
After our interview we took alittle break and they prepared lunch for us, which our friendly camera gal that has been following us for a couple months got from a local sandwich shop. We get a knock on the door while we were talking and I'm pushing Jim to get rid of the solicitors, but it wasn't anyone selling anything, it was Chaz Bono.!! The new voice for transgender guys everywhere! In MY house!! I truly think Max was starstruck. Our family, Cynthia and Chaz then had an informal interview over lunch. How amazing. I truly thank the people that put this together for us and to Chaz for taking time out of his busy life to visit us!!
I won't post the picture here, but keep an eye out for Max's (and Chaz's) documentary coming sometime early September 2011.
Yesterday was our "formal" interview with Cynthia McFadden (new anchor for ABC Nightline). Alot of lights and camera's all over the house. The camera guys were great though, they put everything back in it's place, would have never known there were here. Interviews went well I think. I always worry about editing and how I look and sound, but thinking I didn't say anything stupid or anything that would embarrass my son.
After our interview we took alittle break and they prepared lunch for us, which our friendly camera gal that has been following us for a couple months got from a local sandwich shop. We get a knock on the door while we were talking and I'm pushing Jim to get rid of the solicitors, but it wasn't anyone selling anything, it was Chaz Bono.!! The new voice for transgender guys everywhere! In MY house!! I truly think Max was starstruck. Our family, Cynthia and Chaz then had an informal interview over lunch. How amazing. I truly thank the people that put this together for us and to Chaz for taking time out of his busy life to visit us!!
I won't post the picture here, but keep an eye out for Max's (and Chaz's) documentary coming sometime early September 2011.
Monday, June 20, 2011
He's growing up!
Friday, June 10, 2011
Insurance and Dr visits
So far so good on the Dr visits for our Endo. I figured they might cover the first visit since it was a referral and a consultation, but figured since our diagnosis is transgender that nothing else would be covered. However, I just looked at visit #2 with Endo and they PAID! Yeah! I'm so happy about this, anything that can be covered by insurance that I pay HUNDREDS of $$ for monthly is a great weight lifted off my shoulders. Especially since we know that we will have to pay cash for surgery.
Just to answer the question of WHY we would allow for our child to get surgery. I'd have to say live with him! Watch him struggle with his body. Watch him avoid showers. Watch him not go swimming. Watch him wear two/three shirts to bulk up. Watch him be uncomfortable in his binders. Watch him walk with a hunch to help hide his chest. He NEEDS to have this and just like any other surgery a child might need to "fix" a disability, we have to give this to him.
I already tried to make my son be a girl. I already tried to convince him he is a girl. This is NOT going away and I believe in the deepest of my heart that he truly IS a boy.
Just to answer the question of WHY we would allow for our child to get surgery. I'd have to say live with him! Watch him struggle with his body. Watch him avoid showers. Watch him not go swimming. Watch him wear two/three shirts to bulk up. Watch him be uncomfortable in his binders. Watch him walk with a hunch to help hide his chest. He NEEDS to have this and just like any other surgery a child might need to "fix" a disability, we have to give this to him.
I already tried to make my son be a girl. I already tried to convince him he is a girl. This is NOT going away and I believe in the deepest of my heart that he truly IS a boy.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Dr visits, news and snags
As expected our Endo visit went wonderful. We have really been blessed with the best Dr we could have ever found. She not only has the best bedside manner, she's fun, knowledgeable and spends actual TIME with you. So our next step is starting hormones. This exam was a physical exam plus blood work. Snags: Max and I went to the lab. Besides it taking two hour wait, NOTE TO SELF: get an appt, even when they say walk ins welcome. So I come prepared, have my paperwork, etc. I let them know about the name change, and that it is now changed with the insurance. I even made sure I pointed it out to the woman putting the info into the computer. So we sit and sit, then there is comes....."MAKENZIE"...they called!! UGH. Max and I both felt our hearts drop, WHY do people have to be insensitive??
And NEWS: We now have a birth certificate with Max's name, and the other changes with Social Security with new card. We also now have our note from our Dr. so next step is Passport. The happy news there is that we will be able to use the gender MALE on the passport, which in turn let's us put male on his state ID. That would also mean he could have a driver's license with his proper name and gender.
ABC has continued to follow him for the documentary. They are coming back after our vacation.
So on a good note: no episodes at the airport today. No scanners or pat downs for us. TSA seems to have a mission each day. They must meet in the AM to find out who they are to target today. On this day it was old ladies. The two people that were getting pat downs were old ladies. There has got to be a better way.
And NEWS: We now have a birth certificate with Max's name, and the other changes with Social Security with new card. We also now have our note from our Dr. so next step is Passport. The happy news there is that we will be able to use the gender MALE on the passport, which in turn let's us put male on his state ID. That would also mean he could have a driver's license with his proper name and gender.
ABC has continued to follow him for the documentary. They are coming back after our vacation.
So on a good note: no episodes at the airport today. No scanners or pat downs for us. TSA seems to have a mission each day. They must meet in the AM to find out who they are to target today. On this day it was old ladies. The two people that were getting pat downs were old ladies. There has got to be a better way.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
We've decided
Jim and I have decided to go ahead with Max's "top surgery". It's really the next step in making him feel authentic so he can fit into society. Our hope is next year, SEE entry before this one to donate. I know there will be many that think this is crazy, but we really feel that this will help Max not miss out on things "normal" teens to...aka...swimming, water parks, etc. Also just being able to wear a regular Tshirt to school without having something underneath...or layers of clothes (in sunny and HOT Arizona).
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Busy Busy and NEW name
So we officially have a Max Andrew. I can't believe we (ok I) was so stressed about court. I don't know why I think that everyone outside my little bubble of accepting friends lurks the transgender haters and think they are out to get us. BUT no, couldn't have been farther from the truth. The judge quickly granted the name change without question. I mean literally NO questions other than stating our names. We had the GREATEST bunch of supporters with us during the hearing. No one else in that courtroom had 15 spectators ...with most of them being the "BRO" energy! So cheering be had by all after the grant was given. We are truly blessed to have found such a great group of supporters. We followed the hearing with a party at our house which was also incredible with the support. I'm so blessed, I can't thank these people enough for being such a huge support to not only Max but our whole family.
The other big news is that Max has agreed, bravely, to come out on TV. He is being filmed for an ABC Nightline special on transgender youth. So he has been followed around for his hearing, and his daily doings for two days. Our hope with this documentary is to reach out....to those struggling, hiding and dealing with this alone. The word has to get out, to educate so that our trans kids can live productive lives without having to endure years of torment within themselves.
The other big news is that Max has agreed, bravely, to come out on TV. He is being filmed for an ABC Nightline special on transgender youth. So he has been followed around for his hearing, and his daily doings for two days. Our hope with this documentary is to reach out....to those struggling, hiding and dealing with this alone. The word has to get out, to educate so that our trans kids can live productive lives without having to endure years of torment within themselves.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Mother's Day
This Mother's day falls on the day before Max's name change hearing. I have to say, I'm so very proud to be his mother. I'm sure he struggles within himself being trapped in a body that is not right to him. He is going to tell his story soon, to help save others that are struggling. To show that you CAN survive this. Seek the support of others, even if it doesn't happen to be those closest to you. This, although scares me to death, also makes me so completely proud to be his mother. ONE more day and Makenzie is all in memories, and Max is here to grow and be the best he can be.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Official Letter
Even though most Transpeople...and their loved ones, don't like the fact that any "mental health" people have to be involved, we got our "letter" and official diagnosis today. Max has been seeing a counselor since December. We lucked out with her as well. She has been very accepting of him and not one of those people in his life that is trying to change him, or make him feel like HE is the crazy one. So onward we go, armed with our letter and official "Gender Identity Disorder" diagnosis for our upcoming name change hearing and our next Endo visit.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Hawaii and Gender specific paper
We are also booked for Hawaii...and unfortunately the paper pusher people that require gender specific things on paper, He has to fly at Makenzie Ann.. Female. I feel it's gonna be more of an issue, putting that name and gender, then walking in with a "male" person. I guess we will see how it goes. Also by then he will legally BE Max, but at the time of booking it was Makenzie. So I don't know how to go about changing it OR IF we can change it. I'm sure there has got to be married people that changed their names legally and now their ID is different. What a PITA they are creating over there at the TSA.
Needle in a Haystack
So after our first poor experience with a Dr. The best thing he did was refer us to Dr. Mary. Our Pediatric Endocrinologist. One thing I liked the best is that she agreed. Our experience with that other Dr SHOULD not have happened. The ignorance is crazy.
So at Dr. Mary's we have really hit that nail on the head. She was fabulous. First and foremost I was floored when she offered us a two hour time slot...then even called and said there was a cancellation and we could have an extra half hour. We used the entire time. It was FUN, and exciting to have someone "get it".
So one step at a time. Max has started on estrogen blockers first. That's our first step and the next appointment is June 2nd.
So at Dr. Mary's we have really hit that nail on the head. She was fabulous. First and foremost I was floored when she offered us a two hour time slot...then even called and said there was a cancellation and we could have an extra half hour. We used the entire time. It was FUN, and exciting to have someone "get it".
So one step at a time. Max has started on estrogen blockers first. That's our first step and the next appointment is June 2nd.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Name Change
This week we went to the clerk at the court. We filed the paperwork for the official name change. We call on Monday to find out when the court date will be. More on this later.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Dr visit
This post needed to be on it's own. Mainly, for those that needed a break from the beginning story but also because it in itself is a story.
So part of the "standard of care" calls for establishing a relationship with a Dr. My children being blessed with good health, don't see a Dr enough to establish a relationship before, but I guess when you are trans, someone has decided that this practice of spending money to build some Dr's pool or buy his next car, is something we should contribute.
Max was sick with mono a few years ago, and young enough then to go to a Pediatrician. However, I thought since this is just the beginning of our new found "relationship" we should go to an adult Dr as life has shown me we only get older. The building we went to prior with the Pediatrician is the same one for this Dr. so they already had our info, but I noticed, and I'm SURE Max noticed underneath that dreaded name Makenzie, was the bigger than life F, that I'm sure he thought reflected right off his head for the whole waiting room to see. I circled it for the woman at the desk and asked, pointing to my son, do you think we can get rid of that?? Either change it, or delete it, or something? She looked at me, and obviously never had that question before. She asked another woman sitting at a computer, and poof it was done! However, the stickers they printed out already had the F attached. After 20 min or so of waiting, a woman comes out holding a laptop computer and took the folder I was given with our stickers on it. So all the way to the room, which seemed to be in the back of the building and what seemed like a half mile away....she's looking at Max, then looking at her computer, then looking at the stickers, back to Max, back to the computer....so on and so on. We get back to the room and she excuses herself saying she has to "clarify" something. I speak up, knowing what she needed to clarify and did it for her! Told her we aren't trying to play games with the Dr by freaking him out or anything and have every intention on letting him know before he touches Max, BUT really don't feel the need to have F on the paperwork. ....AGAIN, those paperwork people insisting on there being a M or an F to make their lives complete! So she leaves it be but "warns" the Dr before he arrives.
I do have to point out that I phrased this visit to be a "well physical" so that it would be covered by insurance, as many have found out, the minute you mention trans, POOF nothing is covered....however, didn't someone mandate that I establish a "relationship" with a Dr?? and several Dr's at that! so WTH!
So I try to just to tell myself, she's just undereducated in this subject and can't wait until the Dr arrives to have a much more intelligent conversation. What I learned was far from it. Not that the man was not educated. I'm sure he was, but with transgender, NOT SO MUCH. I found myself having to educate. Throwing things in whenever he made a comment or asked a question. One of the things I specifically remember saying when he asked Max about his "sexual crushes" and the answer being BOYS. Was in these words, "you know that sexual orientation and gender identity are two separate things right?" I don't think this was learned since when we left I looked at the paper that had the "diagnosis" on it and it read, in bold letters. "GENDER IDENTITY DISORDER, SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO MALES". Is being gay a medical diagnosis anyway??? But the other educating I had to do was when he asked what we were doing there....I said, again we are here for a "physical" (for insurance purposes) but also we need a referral. He then asked what kind of Dr we needed a referral for!! A "neurologist"? Yes, he did say this to me!! WHAT? What would he do for us??? Gender Identity, expression, etc, is NOT a Neurological disorder. I personally don't even think it is psychological but diagnosis through Psych. Anyway, I continued and tried to not laugh, but said, "well next step with us would be hormones so probably an Endocrinologist would be best". GEEEZ!!!
So the encouraging thing from this though is that I made that Endo appointment today. The woman at the desk said they had received the info from our Primary Doc about WHY we were being seen. I was then pleasantly surprised, when I was informed that our new Dr would be setting aside a TWO hr consultation! I sure hope this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship!
More to come after appt, unless something pressing comes up before that......March 3rd at 10am!! Max is getting excited.
So part of the "standard of care" calls for establishing a relationship with a Dr. My children being blessed with good health, don't see a Dr enough to establish a relationship before, but I guess when you are trans, someone has decided that this practice of spending money to build some Dr's pool or buy his next car, is something we should contribute.
Max was sick with mono a few years ago, and young enough then to go to a Pediatrician. However, I thought since this is just the beginning of our new found "relationship" we should go to an adult Dr as life has shown me we only get older. The building we went to prior with the Pediatrician is the same one for this Dr. so they already had our info, but I noticed, and I'm SURE Max noticed underneath that dreaded name Makenzie, was the bigger than life F, that I'm sure he thought reflected right off his head for the whole waiting room to see. I circled it for the woman at the desk and asked, pointing to my son, do you think we can get rid of that?? Either change it, or delete it, or something? She looked at me, and obviously never had that question before. She asked another woman sitting at a computer, and poof it was done! However, the stickers they printed out already had the F attached. After 20 min or so of waiting, a woman comes out holding a laptop computer and took the folder I was given with our stickers on it. So all the way to the room, which seemed to be in the back of the building and what seemed like a half mile away....she's looking at Max, then looking at her computer, then looking at the stickers, back to Max, back to the computer....so on and so on. We get back to the room and she excuses herself saying she has to "clarify" something. I speak up, knowing what she needed to clarify and did it for her! Told her we aren't trying to play games with the Dr by freaking him out or anything and have every intention on letting him know before he touches Max, BUT really don't feel the need to have F on the paperwork. ....AGAIN, those paperwork people insisting on there being a M or an F to make their lives complete! So she leaves it be but "warns" the Dr before he arrives.
I do have to point out that I phrased this visit to be a "well physical" so that it would be covered by insurance, as many have found out, the minute you mention trans, POOF nothing is covered....however, didn't someone mandate that I establish a "relationship" with a Dr?? and several Dr's at that! so WTH!
So I try to just to tell myself, she's just undereducated in this subject and can't wait until the Dr arrives to have a much more intelligent conversation. What I learned was far from it. Not that the man was not educated. I'm sure he was, but with transgender, NOT SO MUCH. I found myself having to educate. Throwing things in whenever he made a comment or asked a question. One of the things I specifically remember saying when he asked Max about his "sexual crushes" and the answer being BOYS. Was in these words, "you know that sexual orientation and gender identity are two separate things right?" I don't think this was learned since when we left I looked at the paper that had the "diagnosis" on it and it read, in bold letters. "GENDER IDENTITY DISORDER, SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO MALES". Is being gay a medical diagnosis anyway??? But the other educating I had to do was when he asked what we were doing there....I said, again we are here for a "physical" (for insurance purposes) but also we need a referral. He then asked what kind of Dr we needed a referral for!! A "neurologist"? Yes, he did say this to me!! WHAT? What would he do for us??? Gender Identity, expression, etc, is NOT a Neurological disorder. I personally don't even think it is psychological but diagnosis through Psych. Anyway, I continued and tried to not laugh, but said, "well next step with us would be hormones so probably an Endocrinologist would be best". GEEEZ!!!
So the encouraging thing from this though is that I made that Endo appointment today. The woman at the desk said they had received the info from our Primary Doc about WHY we were being seen. I was then pleasantly surprised, when I was informed that our new Dr would be setting aside a TWO hr consultation! I sure hope this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship!
More to come after appt, unless something pressing comes up before that......March 3rd at 10am!! Max is getting excited.
Background
I often tell this story so it shouldn't embarrass my child....I gave birth to four daughters. Back in the day...at least 14 yrs and later, ultrasounds were not used like they are now. I was "surprised" at birth without knowing the gender of my child ahead of time. I have to admit that child #4, I was alittle disappointed when the Dr announced that it was yet another girl. Who would have thought that I would have gotten a HUGE lesson one day on gender and what it really is. Gender is really society based....not at all what any of us think...it's only what we are taught.
So further into my life, jump ahead four years. I'm adjusting just fine to having four little girls. Dressing them in twirling dresses, putting in hairbows, and painting many things pink! Christmases filled with Barbie dolls, play kitchens and fuzzy pink slippers. Isn't that what we are suppose to do?? At least the gender lawmakers (I still don't know who they are) and the gender paperwriters (you know the ones that insist on putting male or female on paperwork when it's really none of your business) are the ones that I was taught by.
My youngest daughter (I can say daughter now because that's what I thought she was then), only having older sisters and this family that fed into the gender buying game, saw a boy for really the first time when she was four. Of course there was dad....but even dad isn't really a man, he's DAD! So I dropped my child off to a daycare, a mixed gender daycare as most are. Much to my ignorance then, my child came home with the most excitement I had seen so far in her short little life. "Mommy, mommy, I KNOW what I am"!! "What do you mean?", I asked. "I'm one of those", as she was pointing to a boy. So many questions later, some of which I remember as being, "what were they playing with something you liked?" or "was he wearing something you wanted". I was also thinking, what the heck are they doing at that school. Letting all the boys play while the girls have to clean or something!! The response I got was when I KNEW! She said, "no, I'm a boy on the INSIDE".
I didn't just remember this story when Makenzie (now Max) came out officially at age 13. I played that over and over in my head throughout the whole time. What I wished I had done and what I did are now two different things. Max isn't happy that we didn't play it differently, but learning from mistakes and moving forward is all I have.
I chose to wait, to follow the schools when they said, no you can't use the boys restroom. And fight a bit when they wanted him to play "softball" with the girls instead of play baseball with the boys. I let him wear what made him comfortable and stopped buying anything in the girls section really early on. However, I still had her hair longer, and used SHE exclusively.
Fast forward to that day....shortly after he came home with his head shaved. Now ok, I have to admit I was SHOCKED to say the least that he went to school one day and came home with his head shaved. It was a bold statement on his part, and the beginning of the "coming out". So a few weeks later, he asked his father and I to talk. We went to a Starbucks and sat down. He was scared to say it but it came out and our response literally was OK, we already know that! But more importantly let's get learning and finding more information on what to do next.
Yet another "wish I would have" moment came when I watched a show, featuring a boy, about the same age. Running around playing basketball with his shirt off. I'm thinking WOW how can this female bodied child do this!! Turns out Max could have gone on hormone blocking therapy. Unfortunately, at 13 it was too late. SHE had already gotten a period, breasts etc. What would it have mattered?? Other than the more comfortable it would have made Max, it would have saved a horrible "top surgery" needed, which leaves huge scars and often times has complications. It would have as well as kept him from getting that dreaded monthly reminder that HE is indeed still a SHE.
But, as we are learning we keep telling Max, that we can not go back and change the past, we can only move foward through the future. We are supportive, be thankful and grateful for that, as many parents are not. I though can not fathom that idea....disowning your child!!! Why?, because they aren't the perfect dream you had in your head about WHO or WHAT they should be?? Heck, I'm sure I'm not the picture of perfection my mother dreamed, so who am I to judge.
My main focus at this point was to get educated, to find support and most importantly protect my child from the HATE in the world.
So many months but not years later, we are to today. Today we have met MANY transmen that have been so completely wonderful and helpful to us. We have learned about binders, T, and men's bathroom etiquette. We have gotten support online and through weekly groups and meetings. Max has found comfort with men like himself (or big brothers since so far none are of his age), and we have found support with other allies. I'm amazed and happy that there are so many people out there for us.
We have started counseling...finally finding a transfriendly one that wasn't trying to "fix" this "disorder". Have started with Dr visit and next on to the Endocrinologist for hormone therapy soon.
More on Dr visit in next post ....Max is now 14y 8m
So further into my life, jump ahead four years. I'm adjusting just fine to having four little girls. Dressing them in twirling dresses, putting in hairbows, and painting many things pink! Christmases filled with Barbie dolls, play kitchens and fuzzy pink slippers. Isn't that what we are suppose to do?? At least the gender lawmakers (I still don't know who they are) and the gender paperwriters (you know the ones that insist on putting male or female on paperwork when it's really none of your business) are the ones that I was taught by.
My youngest daughter (I can say daughter now because that's what I thought she was then), only having older sisters and this family that fed into the gender buying game, saw a boy for really the first time when she was four. Of course there was dad....but even dad isn't really a man, he's DAD! So I dropped my child off to a daycare, a mixed gender daycare as most are. Much to my ignorance then, my child came home with the most excitement I had seen so far in her short little life. "Mommy, mommy, I KNOW what I am"!! "What do you mean?", I asked. "I'm one of those", as she was pointing to a boy. So many questions later, some of which I remember as being, "what were they playing with something you liked?" or "was he wearing something you wanted". I was also thinking, what the heck are they doing at that school. Letting all the boys play while the girls have to clean or something!! The response I got was when I KNEW! She said, "no, I'm a boy on the INSIDE".
I didn't just remember this story when Makenzie (now Max) came out officially at age 13. I played that over and over in my head throughout the whole time. What I wished I had done and what I did are now two different things. Max isn't happy that we didn't play it differently, but learning from mistakes and moving forward is all I have.
I chose to wait, to follow the schools when they said, no you can't use the boys restroom. And fight a bit when they wanted him to play "softball" with the girls instead of play baseball with the boys. I let him wear what made him comfortable and stopped buying anything in the girls section really early on. However, I still had her hair longer, and used SHE exclusively.
Fast forward to that day....shortly after he came home with his head shaved. Now ok, I have to admit I was SHOCKED to say the least that he went to school one day and came home with his head shaved. It was a bold statement on his part, and the beginning of the "coming out". So a few weeks later, he asked his father and I to talk. We went to a Starbucks and sat down. He was scared to say it but it came out and our response literally was OK, we already know that! But more importantly let's get learning and finding more information on what to do next.
Yet another "wish I would have" moment came when I watched a show, featuring a boy, about the same age. Running around playing basketball with his shirt off. I'm thinking WOW how can this female bodied child do this!! Turns out Max could have gone on hormone blocking therapy. Unfortunately, at 13 it was too late. SHE had already gotten a period, breasts etc. What would it have mattered?? Other than the more comfortable it would have made Max, it would have saved a horrible "top surgery" needed, which leaves huge scars and often times has complications. It would have as well as kept him from getting that dreaded monthly reminder that HE is indeed still a SHE.
But, as we are learning we keep telling Max, that we can not go back and change the past, we can only move foward through the future. We are supportive, be thankful and grateful for that, as many parents are not. I though can not fathom that idea....disowning your child!!! Why?, because they aren't the perfect dream you had in your head about WHO or WHAT they should be?? Heck, I'm sure I'm not the picture of perfection my mother dreamed, so who am I to judge.
My main focus at this point was to get educated, to find support and most importantly protect my child from the HATE in the world.
So many months but not years later, we are to today. Today we have met MANY transmen that have been so completely wonderful and helpful to us. We have learned about binders, T, and men's bathroom etiquette. We have gotten support online and through weekly groups and meetings. Max has found comfort with men like himself (or big brothers since so far none are of his age), and we have found support with other allies. I'm amazed and happy that there are so many people out there for us.
We have started counseling...finally finding a transfriendly one that wasn't trying to "fix" this "disorder". Have started with Dr visit and next on to the Endocrinologist for hormone therapy soon.
More on Dr visit in next post ....Max is now 14y 8m
Why blog
I've read so many other blogs and thought, wow! Pretty gutsy really to put it all out there. I also found so many of them so very helpful, and think if I can help someone that might be going through the same things as me through my journey, why not.
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