Background

I often tell this story so it shouldn't embarrass my child....I gave birth to four daughters.  Back in the day...at least 14 yrs and later, ultrasounds were not used like they are now.  I was "surprised" at birth without knowing the gender of my child ahead of time.  I have to admit that child #4, I was alittle disappointed when the Dr announced that it was yet another girl.  Who would have thought that I would have gotten a HUGE lesson one day on gender and what it really is.  Gender is really society based....not at all what any of us think...it's only what we are taught.

So further into my life, jump ahead four years.  I'm adjusting just fine to having four little girls.  Dressing them in twirling dresses, putting in hairbows, and painting many things pink!  Christmases filled with Barbie dolls, play kitchens and fuzzy pink slippers.  Isn't that what we are suppose to do??  At least the gender lawmakers (I still don't know who they are) and the gender paperwriters (you know the ones that insist on putting male or female on paperwork when it's really none of your business) are the ones that I was taught by.

My youngest daughter (I can say daughter now because that's what I thought she was then),  only having older sisters and this family that fed into the gender buying game, saw a boy for really the first time when she was four.  Of course there was dad....but even dad isn't really a man, he's DAD!  So I dropped my child off to a daycare, a mixed gender daycare as most are.  Much to my ignorance then, my child came home with the most excitement I had seen so far in her short little life.  "Mommy, mommy, I KNOW what I am"!!  "What do you mean?", I asked.  "I'm one of those", as she was pointing to a boy.  So many questions later, some of which I remember as being, "what were they playing with something you liked?" or "was he wearing something you wanted".  I was also thinking, what the heck are they doing at that school.  Letting all the boys play while the girls have to clean or something!!  The response I got was when I KNEW!  She said, "no, I'm a boy on the INSIDE".

I didn't just remember this story when Makenzie (now Max) came out officially at age 13.  I played that over and over in my head throughout the whole time.  What I wished I had done and what I did are now two different things.  Max isn't happy that we didn't play it differently, but learning from mistakes and moving forward is all I have.

I chose to wait, to follow the schools when they said, no you can't use the boys restroom.  And fight a bit when they wanted him to play "softball" with the girls instead of play baseball with the boys.  I let him wear what made him comfortable and stopped buying anything in the girls section really early on.  However, I still had her hair longer, and used SHE exclusively.

Fast forward to that day....shortly after he came home with his head shaved.  Now ok, I have to admit I was SHOCKED to say the least that he went to school one day and came home with his head shaved.  It was a bold statement on his part, and the beginning of the "coming out".  So a few weeks later, he asked his father and I to talk.  We went to a Starbucks and sat down.  He was scared to say it but it came out and our response literally was OK, we already know that!  But more importantly let's get learning and finding more information on what to do next.

Yet another "wish I would have" moment came when I watched a show, featuring a boy, about the same age.  Running around playing basketball with his shirt off.  I'm thinking WOW how can this female bodied child do this!!  Turns out Max could have gone on hormone blocking therapy.  Unfortunately, at 13 it was too late.  SHE had already gotten a period, breasts etc.  What would it have mattered??  Other than the more comfortable it would have made Max, it would have saved a horrible "top surgery" needed, which leaves huge scars and often times has complications.  It would have as well as kept him from getting that dreaded monthly reminder that HE is indeed still a SHE.

But, as we are learning we keep telling Max, that we can not go back and change the past, we can only move foward through the future.  We are supportive, be thankful and grateful for that, as many parents are not.  I though can not fathom that idea....disowning your child!!!  Why?, because they aren't the perfect dream you had  in your head about WHO or WHAT they should be??  Heck, I'm sure I'm not the picture of perfection my mother dreamed, so who am I to judge.

My main focus at this point was to get educated, to find support and most importantly protect my child from the HATE in the world.

So many months but not years later, we are to today.  Today we have met MANY transmen that have been so completely wonderful and helpful to us.  We have learned about binders, T, and men's bathroom etiquette.  We have gotten support online and through weekly groups and meetings.  Max has found comfort with men like himself (or big brothers since so far none are of his age), and we have found support with other allies.  I'm amazed and happy that there are so many people out there for us.

We have started counseling...finally finding a transfriendly one that wasn't trying to "fix" this "disorder".  Have started with Dr visit and next on to the Endocrinologist for hormone therapy soon.

More on Dr visit in next post  ....Max is now 14y 8m